Outing - Kiama Bus trip
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Little Red Riding Trolley and the Three Sh*ts
Or
"Layers Are My Friends"

Q. What do you do with 19 borderline maniacs and a spare Saturday?

A. You lock them into a small bus with their cameras and take them to Kiama for a day of photography.

The day dawned early, but earlier for some than others. Please note, Nic, when it says "7am sharp departure time"; that does not mean that you as "il Presidente" can leave his house at that time.    ( "Not fair". comments the Pres "II Presedente was at the appointed site on time AND also enjoyed the tour around the Clubs neighbourhood for the driver's practice run. Not like some people hitch hiking hoping for a pick up on Carlisle Avenue.")     A quick stop at Starbucks to pick up a yellow canary and we were off to listen to a litany of terrible jokes, bad puns and a strong Germanic accent saying (at regular intervals) ..."You are all Sh*ts". At one stage I did hear a conversation exploring the comparative virtues of the 1.7 teleconverter with the 2.0, but that conversation was very quickly quashed.

First stop was Mt. Kiera lookout for coffee and views. A wedding was planned there for midday, and after discussing the impact on the wedding photographer's psyche that would occur if 19 extra photographers showed up, coffees drunk, toilets used and photos taken, we beat a hasty retreat.

Cathedral rocks followed, where Alicia made the acquaintance of two very friendly spiders, (with a scream that would have made the world's best operatic singer proud, puncturing dog's eardrums and opening automatic garage doors for a 5 km radius). Ann got so close to the wave action that we were all chipping in for floaties for her, but that had its own benefits in that she wore a red shirt, and became the point of interest in everybody else's photos.

Off to Bombo Headlands where Alicia devised a cunning plan to steal Penny's monopod and thus prevent her taking photos for next open comp, by falling and injuring her knee, requiring the monopod as a walking stick for the rest of the tour. (Very cunning Alicia, the fluid swelling was a great touch) Most of the group spend time photographing whales just off the headland, whilst Eva put on morning tea and spent the rest of the time trying to capture the twin moons belonging to one of the surfers who was silly enough to attempt to peel off his wetsuit near our bus.

Off to the bird hide, where the thing most oft photographed was the galah with the duck caller in his mouth (Ahh, the lows you'll stoop to when you shoot with a Sony Alpha) The birds were certainly uninterested in the sight of Nic flapping his arms and making noises that sounded like a deflating balloon, and even our "Nature Photographer" was hard pressed to come up with inspiration when we needed a telescope to even find the birds. "Bird Hide" was an accurate description - they did.

Knowing we were coming, the good peoples of Kiama played a very nasty trick on us and moved the Sandstone shops. The GPS device knew where they were ("at the next roundabout take the second exit...") Penny knew where they were, ("Bob, ignore that, we need to be going back down the hill), Chris knew where they were ("... aren't the shops just back at the start of the town...?) and the rest of our cattle truck played a game of let's imitate the GPS (varying choruses of "in 100 metres turn right" or "turn around and go the other way...") Poor Bob manfully ignored all but the most intelligent of directions, and got the bus up places that would give a mountain goat a nosebleed by using a combination of first gear and prayer before the shops were detected precisely where they had been build 150 years ago.

So, what do a group of photographers do at lunch time? Alicia took the entire time to hobble to the toilets and back to the bus, Bob took photos (gasp), I went to a second hand book seller, Nic and Pam discovered that there is a service charge when you dine-in at a cafe and were forced to eat with the grey unwashed outside, and Dennis and his wife BOUGHT FURNITURE!!!!!! Now if this were a flat packed shoe rack, that would be understandable, but bearing in mind that we were 19 adults in a 21 seat minibus, they bought a 4' high, 4'wide and 3'deep antique whatnot stand. Luckily at the moment of truth Nic remembered that he was in Nowra the next day and offered to bring it home for them so we didn't have to sit on it all the way back to Sydney.

Suitably refreshed we drove on to the Kiama blowhole and 2 more weddings. The ocean was as still as a millpond, so there was no impressive blowhole Whoosh! But rather a small Pffft! Still, we joined the ranks of Japanese tourists and took lots of photos of the hole for Jen to Photoshop layers of exploding water onto. As a group, we collectively know that all corrections she makes will be on a separate layer because we have "made layers our friends".

A quick stop at the little Blowhole for some more Pfft - ing and more plans for making layers our friends was followed by a group photo and the impressive sight of Bob in full flight running down the hill to beat the camera's self timer. It was such a great sight we made him do it several more times in the hope that he would fail to stop and end up in the ocean, but to no avail.

Finally Penny's GPS stopped talking to her (probably because of the competition from the rest of the bus) but we still found the native gardens. Penny had done a wonderful job of research, but the gardens were overrated so we were on the bus again in about three minutes to find the dry-stone walls. What more could a photographer want..... stone walls, cows, green grass, sweeping vistas and a dog for Nic to make friends with. After much happy snapping (not the dog), we once again boarded our trusty steed bound for home. The trip home was much quieter that the outward journey. Even Eva was more subdued, and I don't recall one call of "Baglady" from Eddie. The only thing that prevented more sleeping on the bus was the continual flashing of red-eye reduction from Penny's camera every time some hapless person dozed off. What delightful photos they will make later....

In conclusion, I have several observations to make. To Eva, gnadige frau, your food and continual commentary about life make every trip with you worthwhile. To Jen, what happens when I want to make layers my friends, but they don't like me... To Penny and our driver Bob, our eternal thanks for a wonderful day. The job of tour guide and driver are yours for as long as you wish them. We had a glorious day that will remain in our hard drives forever.

Bronwyn